My vision of a relationship I will admit was a bit old-fashioned. I had this picture in my head. A turn-of-the-century couple. He would be in a white striped suit, she in a beautiful flowing long dress. They would be on a rowboat in Central Park. He would casually row as she holds her umbrella to protect us from the sun and watches the passing scenery. Both stare into each other’s eyes, smiling as they engage in meaningful conversations. Simply enjoying life.
Well, for the last decade, it wasn’t quite like that. Back
to my rowboat dream. I was indeed able to sit in the boat and row. As in my
vision, she was at the front of the boat, smiling at me. But in reality, she
was wearing much more “comfortable clothes”. And while she still held her umbrella, she used
it to cover herself. The conversation was about how many times she reminded me
to bring my own umbrella. She is not looking into my eyes but past me. She ignores
how slow we are moving despite the fact I am rowing as hard as possible. She “forgets”
to mention she knocked the anchor into the water (intentionally?!?),
and we have been dragging it for most of the relationship.
Obviously, I knew neither the vision nor the reality was necessary.
I thought it was my determination of a truly unrealistic vision, my stubbornness
to be chivalrous kept me going. Deep down I knew the anchor was dragging.
I knew the boat had a leak and was taking on water.
One day I happened to glaze into the water and saw my own reflection.
I did not like what I saw. Hated it. I was rowing not because of a dream, but because
of my own self-worth. I thought this was what I deserved.
I decided the work of rowing two people in a sinking boat
dragging an anchor was not enough and I sta So, I decided to do the real work.
The inner work. The work on myself.
Fast forward to today. I'm in another relationship, back in
that metaphorical boat. But something is VERY different. I'm cruising through
the lake, viewing the scenery, but with the least effort I've ever needed to
apply. The front of the boat is empty and for a good reason. My partner is
sitting next to me! She is helping to row!
She's wearing
athletic clothes fit for a workout, looking into my eyes and smiling. We're
engaged in meaningful conversations and taking in the views. And as the umbrella shields both of us
from the sun, we take turns holding it. We are a team.
So why is this an entry on a wealth-building blog?
I believe there are three pillars in life: Wealth/Career
(the subject of this blog), Health (mine is improving), and Relationships. I
strongly believe that you cannot focus on more than one at a time. You need to
devote your energy in one direction. You don’t ignore the others—they all
require perpetual work. But you just put them on a type of cruise control. You
build each pillar so strong that you can rotate and place an emphasis on the
next. You check back often. You may need to jump back for a while. But each
time, no matter which pillar you’re on, you maintain some focus.
I'm thrilled to say I believe my relationship pillar is
strong. I have a partner who supports me, believes in me. She understands that
growth in one of us is learning for both of us. She pushes me, challenges me, and expects the best from me. And she gives me her best. She's supportive and
allows me to be supportive in return.
Together… we row!
